Dig Deep, Hold On, Take Heart

“I have good news and bad news…”  (Don’t you just cringe when you hear that phrase?  I do, since no matter what the good news is, it’s rarely good enough to totally wipe out the damage of the bad news.)

“The good news is that after 2+ years of searching, testing, and suffering, we finally have found the root causes of your health problems.  The bad news is that your journey to healing has only just begun and will likely get worse before it gets better…”

Although these weren’t the exact words from my doctor last month, they may as well have been.  I know I should feel very thankful for the good news of having an actual diagnosis, but the thought of starting a whole new healing process is overwhelming and scary.  I guess I feel like after so much hardship, loss, sickness, and tears, I should receive an easy way out or a quick fix to wellness.  But for some reason, that is not the case for me.  And maybe that’s because there are still lessons to be learned and shared through this.  So today, I’m opening up about three things that God is teaching me on this continual winding road of health affliction: To dig deep, to hold on, and to take heart.  And my hope is that these lessons will encourage or help others who are also enduring a tough physical or emotional season.

**For those who are new to my blog, you can read more about my health crises on my Life and Health page or get caught up through my latest health update.**

DIG DEEP

~John 10:10

Growing up, I was always a rule-follower.  If my teachers gave an assignment, I completed it by their deadlines.  If my parents told me to be home by a certain time, I abided by their request.  And if my doctors advised me on what to do for my health, I followed their instructions.  My thought was that if I followed the rules, that would minimize the likelihood of things going wrong or me getting into trouble.  So, I guess you could say I was a very cautious kid.  And really, I still am as an adult.  But one thing I’ve learned over the past few years with my health is that sometimes, you can’t always follow what your doctors tell you or settle for the diagnoses or remedies they may provide.

That’s where “digging deep” comes into play.  If I had accepted what former doctors told me as the final word on my health, I can say with certainty that I would never have found the root causes of my declining health.  I refused to accept that I was “overall healthy,” “not a bad case,” or “just a sensitive person” when I was living with a body that was slowly deteriorating.  It took years of visiting various doctors – both conventional and functional – pushing to get certain tests run, researching potential root causes, and trying hundreds of different supplements and remedies.  But as the old saying goes, hard work pays off.  Digging deep helped to peel back the layers and uncover not just some, but all of my health problems:  celiac disease, hypothyroid, MTHFR mutations, hormone imbalance, Sjogren’s syndrome, and now, most recently – Lyme Disease and mold toxicity.  

Friends, I know that we live in a broken world and that our bodies are slowly wearing out.  It’s easy to want to give up and accept the first thing a doctor tells us or just take unnecessary medications to numb the pain.  But by digging deep and uncovering the root causes of our health problems and autoimmune issues, we can finally start to REALLY heal.  While some of us may never have perfect health in this lifetime, I do believe God wants us to live fulfilled lives, just like the verse I quoted above says.  Jesus came so that we could have life to the full.  And for me, that means continuing to dig deep until I find what will help me feel the most healthy and well that I possibly can on this earth.

So how did I finally discover that Lyme Disease and mold toxicity were the underlying factors to many of my health symptoms?  It wasn’t easy!  My test history was as thick as a dictionary and I kept testing and ruling things out.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until my symptoms and pain got so bad that I couldn’t walk that I realized that I was still missing something.  And wouldn’t you know, it came down to the very last two tests that I hadn’t tried yet.  I found a new functional medicine doctor who was familiar with both mold toxicity and Lyme’s Disease and he ordered both tests for me.  (For those who are wondering what tests I did, I used Great Plains Laboratory for the mycotoxin mold test and DNA Connexions for the Lyme’s test.)

The crazy thing is, I had been tested for Lyme Disease two years ago via blood test and it came back negative.  And I was told by prior doctors that mold probably was unlikely a factor.  Ironic how what I thought was the least likely diagnosis was actually what was wrong with me!  While I wasn’t thrilled to hear that both tests came back positive, it really is a relief to finally have the answers that I’ve been seeking for so long.  And by treating both of these issues, I might actually start seeing improvement in my thyroid, hormone levels, pain levels, and immune system health.  That is the hope, anyway.

While I’ll probably write future posts with more details on Lyme’s and mold, I do want to say that if you have a bunch of unexplained or lingering health symptoms that doctors can’t seem to treat, GET TESTED!  Lyme disease symptoms can mimic SO many other afflictions, so it often goes undiagnosed and becomes more dangerous the longer it’s untreated.  The Lyme disease blood test is not very accurate, so I recommend urine testing.  And make sure you’re working with a doctor who is familiar with treatments for both issues, too, since you don’t want to attempt to heal yourself on your own.

Before I move on, let me make one thing clear:  Digging deep with my health isn’t a task I could do solely on my own.  Without a doubt, God has been leading me through this entire journey and has revealed things in a time and manner that is for my good and His glory.  I truly believe that the Lord has put the desire to keep digging in my heart and has directed me through all of these tests, doctors, and protocols to this very point.  Why has it taken so long and been so agonizing?  Only God knows, but He’s been working on my heart this whole time.  There are days when I wish I could be finished with everything instead of just beginning a new healing process, but His ways are higher, His plans are better, and His timing is perfect.  And for those still in the midst of the search for answers, keep digging and don’t give up!

~Psalms 73:26

That leads me to the next lesson I’m learning – to hold on.  I think I’ve spent so much time searching for answers and a diagnosis that I wasn’t prepared to actually receive them or think about what they would mean for the future.  Being diagnosed with a chronic illness like Lyme disease is a hard pill to swallow, especially since the treatment is so varied for each individual.  My expectations for healing are also be unrealistic – I want immediate relief and instant wellness after so much suffering.  But I didn’t get sick overnight and I have to keep telling myself that healing will take time and patience.  And typically, the pain of Lyme disease worsens before it improves, which is what I think I’ve been experiencing so far.

There have been a number of days recently where I’ve felt like giving up.  It’s feels easier and safer to stay in bed rather than hobble through the day.  But I know that’s not an option.  Instead, each morning, I ask God to give me strength for the day.  And as this verse reminds us, while our spirits and health may be weak, God is our constant source of strength and will see us through any and every trial we face.  I’m living proof that I’m still making it through each day on the Lord’s strength.  And crawling into bed each night feels like a small victory.

While God doesn’t promise us an easy, pain-free life, He does promise that He’ll walk with us every step of the way.  Looking back over the past several years reminds me that none of the things I’ve done for my health have been a waste.  God has been slowly building my health knowledge with diet and lifestyle approaches that now have become so integral in healing my Lyme and mold afflictions.  The Lord can see the beginning and the end, so He knew exactly what I would need at exactly the right time.  (I believe it was more than just a coincidence that I started using the infrared sauna many months before I even knew how beneficial it was for both Lyme and mold detoxing!)

And so, I press on and continue with my new regimen of elixirs, supplements, detox tools, and AIP-friendly foods.  I continue crying out to God for strength and perseverance.  And I continue to hold on and wait for healing.  While I don’t know what your struggle is today, I do know that God wants me to encourage you to hold on and not give up.  Maybe you’re just beginning a health journey and feel overwhelmed with starting it.  Maybe you’re waiting for a diagnosis.  Maybe you’re battling pain, anxiety, or heartbreak.  No matter the difficulties we face, God has wonderful things planned for all of us.  If we throw in the towel too soon, we’ll never get to experience His blessings.  He’s a God who can do more than anything we could ask for or imagine, so let’s live out each day with endurance and know that it won’t be long before He either changes our circumstances or changes our hearts.

TAKE HEART

And finally, that brings me to what is maybe the most important lesson in this journey – to take heart.  One of my greatest weaknesses is worrying.  It’s hard for me to celebrate small victories in this season of trial because I’m constantly worrying about my current pain or my future problems.  I think it’s hard for me to remember that God is in control of my health and has allowed certain afflictions to exist in me.  That doesn’t mean He won’t provide a path to healing, but I often try to hurry Him along and do whatever it takes to remove these undesirable symptoms as quickly as possible.

Then I have a wake-up call when I read this verse and am reminded that our lives are not all about us, they’re about God.  And sometimes He needs us to remain in the suffering, take heart, and look up.  As this verse states, “to fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen.”  When we focus on what is unseen and the glory of eternity that is promised to those who believe in Jesus, it makes our current hardships sting a little bit less.  So, take heart, friends, because there’s a bigger story being written.  Our trials, while painful, help us grow.  Our trials can reflect Christ in our lives.  And our trials (thankfully) won’t last forever!  In the blink of an eye, God can totally change our lives.

A friend once told me to remember how quickly God can answer a prayer.  If He answers your deepest desire tomorrow, won’t you feel a little embarrassed for living in a state of misery and sadness today?  I know I would.  Instead, we should live out today with the hope that God WILL answer our prayers, even as soon as tomorrow.  To live with the hope that even the biggest problems we face are minuscule in the light of the powerful God of the universe.  And if your struggle is health-related, like mine, it’s a comfort to know that even if our earthly bodies are “wasting away” as the verse above says, our future bodies in heaven will have no pain, no brokenness, no limits.  What good news!

I want to end this post with a song that has lately become my personal anthem.  It’s called “Take Courage” by Kristene DiMarco of Bethel Music and the lyrics couldn’t be more perfect to fit with what I’ve shared about today.  Soak in the beauty and truth of these lyrics and play this song anytime you need a reminder to dig deep, hold on, and take heart.

TAKE COURAGE 

Kristene DiMarco, Bethel Music