So, I turned 36 last month. And I’m hoping that another year older also means another year wiser. (At the very least, I’ve felt new inspiration to write this post, so that feels like a win!)
For my birthday this year, my family and I did something a little different. We put together glass mosaics in various shapes and sizes. Each of us carefully sorted through colorful glass shards, precisely arranged them onto plexiglass bases, tediously set them with adhesive, permanently bound them in grout, neatly polished them to shine, and joyfully admired our finished works of art in their full glory. It was a rather long (and at times painstaking) process- especially for the perfectionists in the family! But it was worth the effort and we were thrilled with our glass/cement creations.
While I didn’t intend there to be a deeper meaning to the project (other than just doing something creative for my birthday), this family craft turned out to be much more than what it seemed. As I ran my hand over my finished mosaic flower, it hit me that this was a tangible representation of what God was doing in my life. (In all of our lives, really.) And I was suddenly in awe of just how meaningful my birthday art was.
I realized that the process we had just put these glass shards through is an incredible parallel to the process that happens in our lives as we walk the daunting path of pain and suffering. A process that allows us to be shattered, rearranged, anchored, reinforced, restored, and displayed. A process that can turn our broken pieces into shards of hope…
SHATTERED
“He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” ~Psalm 34:18
I’ll be honest. Life is totally not what I thought it would be at this point. Every birthday after age 30 has been a difficult reminder that I’m moving forward in years but still feeling stuck in undesirable circumstances. Will we ever see answers to prayers we’ve been praying for six years? Prayers for healing, an environmentally safe home, and a family of our own?
These deep longings that are usually hidden under daily routines and distractions frequently resurface on holidays and birthdays. My 30th birthday was the last one where I felt like all seemed right in my life. I was pregnant, our house was complete, I had an active social and church life, and I was in the best physical shape of my life. And then shortly after that, I was shattered. The life I thought I had and the direction it was headed all lay in pieces. (If you’ve been following my story for awhile, you’re familiar with these unfortunate events. If you’re new here, take a moment to catch up with past posts.)
Similarly, in a mosaic, colorful glass shards were at one time whole structures. Maybe a cup, a bowl, an ornament. And then they were broken, one by one, until just a pile of pieces remained. That feels an awful lot like life in suffering, doesn’t it? I look back at my childhood and early adulthood and think how secure, safe, and comfortable I felt. And then I turned 30 and got a taste of how fragile life can be. Despite my faith and knowing suffering is a part of the Christian walk, I was still easily broken and battered by grief, trauma, sickness, and instability. Life felt sharp and useless, much like these little fragments of glass.
Fortunately, God can see the bigger picture when our broken pieces don’t make any sense to us. And my faith that had been on the back-burner in easier times became essential to keep going, keep praying, keep hoping. I had to remind myself that our Heavenly Father, in His compassion, doesn’t leave us shattered and crushed, but slowly picks us back up, piece by piece. No, a shattered life will never be the same, just like the glass pieces I worked with. But when we surrender our suffering, pain, and brokenness to the Lord, He won’t leave us in a pointless mess. Rather, He saves our crushed spirits and brings new purpose to our lives. It will just take patience and belief on our parts to trust that He will rearrange our lives in exactly the right way at exactly the right time.
REARRANGED
“He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.”~Colossians 1:17
As my family and I worked on our mosaics, we didn’t restore the glass shards back to their original forms. That would have been pretty impossible. Instead, we rearranged the glass pieces on plexiglass bases to create fun new shapes – a heart, flower, fish, and bird. Each arrangement unique and each piece carefully laid out to get the best fit. This took quite a bit of time, especially for me. I wanted the pieces arranged in a very specific way to create movement, color variation, and realism. Even though I took far more time with the rearranging than the rest of my family, I was quite pleased with the results!
During seasons of long-suffering, I think God is rearranging our lives, too. He’s taking our shattered stories and slowly crafting them into a stunning work of art that we never would have envisioned on our own. But it’s often a slow process. So slow, in fact, that we might not be able to see His work in it right away. Fortunately, we can take comfort in the verse above from Colossians. No matter how broken we are or how much rearranging we’re going through, the Lord is holding all things together. Nothing slips through the cracks on His watch and every shard has its purposeful place on the template of our lives.
In an art project, it’s fun to see the new form take shape in the rearranging phase. But in our lives, it’s a painful process that usually involves a “new normal,” or several.
For me, that was getting used to a physically weaker, injury-prone body. It was integrating unusual diets, detox regimens, and herbal therapies. It was leaving the house that we’d made a home and starting an ongoing search for a toxin-free dwelling. It was becoming part of the chronic illness community – a club no one really wants to join. It was watching friend after friend have babies while silently grieving our child. It was researching Lyme disease and mold toxicity- subjects I had neither known about nor cared about in the past. It was writing on a blog that I never planned on creating. It was forcing myself to get out of bed every day no matter how much I didn’t want to.
But most of all, it was believing that God was still good when nothing good seemed to be happening. And it was deciding to love Him no matter what dreams of mine came true or not. Because while my new life was a surprise to me, it wasn’t a surprise to God. He is before all things and in Him all things hold together – both the good and bad things.
No, new normals are usually not fun or welcome at the onset. And we can resist them. We can try to force our lives to go back to our comfortable “old normals.” But I think we’ll become more and more frustrated and bitter when the pieces don’t hold their shape and end up in a heap again. Instead of pridefully trying to be our own gods, we need to humbly allow ourselves to be moved and carried by the one true God. Because whether or not we acknowledge it yet, His design is far better than ours. And if we reject God and His plan, we truly miss out – not only on a more fulfilling life here on earth, but on a magnificent, unbreakable, perfect life in eternity.
ANCHORED
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” ~Hebrews 6:19a
In mosaic-making, once the glass pieces are rearranged from their chaotic state into an orderly design, they can’t be left as they are. One small movement or touch and the pieces will scatter off of the base and be a mess again. (Speaking from experience!) These delicate shards need adhesive on a sturdy foundation to stay in the right place.
And I like to think the same is true in our lives. We need to be anchored to something (or rather, Someone) in order to not constantly fall apart when life takes a much different shape than we’d planned. We need real hope that there is order in what feels chaotic, that there is purpose in our pain, and that there is restoration on the way. Sometimes we place our hope in tangible things, fun distractions, and other people. Yet, they always disappoint and we still end up in pieces. Instead, we need a stronger adhesive. We need our hope in the unchanging, never-failing, everlasting God. The real anchor for our souls.
Truly, the only way I was able to adjust to new normals was through my faith and hope in Jesus Christ. His love and grace sustained me through each day, each experience, each ache and pain. No matter what I faced, the Lord had a way through. I wasn’t able to walk for three months, but God mercifully limited it to a temporary setback. We couldn’t find a new home after selling our old one, but God provided a rental opportunity at exactly the right time. I didn’t have the strength to work, but God used my husband’s job to cover expensive testing and treatments. I lost friends I thought I could count on, but God introduced me to new, caring people who didn’t shy away from suffering.
But wait, there’s more! The Lord’s strength made up for what I lacked physically. His compassion allowed me to mourn my old life without condemnation. His love encouraged me that He would never forsake me. And His atonement for my sins kept me motivated to keeping living for Him. Looking back, in every crisis I’ve been through, God has made a path forward. And seeing His past faithfulness gives me confidence that He has not only purposefully rearranged my life, but is making me more and more like Him in the process. A confidence that only comes from anchoring myself to Him.
Friends, with Christ as our firm foundation we don’t have to look for hope elsewhere and we won’t be disappointed. Our circumstances don’t have to define the mosaic of our lives. Rather, our circumstances can refine us. No matter what comes in this life, we can take heart that God will hold on to us and never let us go. And we’ll need every bit of this secure hope to persevere when our faith is continually tested – not just in the “shattering” of our lives, but throughout the long, hard road to restoration.
REINFORCED
“…Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” ~James 1:3-4
When I began my mosaic flower, I allowed an hour for the entire project. And I was WAY off! I quickly discovered that this process takes time and refinement. If you’re in a hurry, don’t even attempt to begin until you have enough time to devote to the project. Because after I had spent over an hour simply placing the glass pieces on my base, I still had to individually glue them on! And when I finally did, it was tempting to just stop there. It looked pretty good and I felt ready to be finished. But without the grouting phase, it would have been incomplete. The grout not only reinforces the placement of the fragments, but it adds character and makes the entire mosaic much stronger.
The crazy thing about grouting, though, is that you literally have to smear dirty gray paste all over the pretty, sparkly glass. The entire project gets covered in muck. And as I slathered grout all over the glass flower, my heart was in my throat as I worried I was ruining the whole thing. (I didn’t even take a photo of this step because it was so hideous!) But really, the grout was strengthening the mosaic, smoothing out the rough edges, and giving it more character.
Oh, the parallels to life in this process! I see the grout representing the testing of faith through wave after wave of trials. After accepting a “new normal” of life and even after anchoring ourselves to the Lord, we can still fall into complacency and lose touch with God. Or we can try to rush through our hardships thinking we’re ready to move on. Surely, God’s work is complete by now. It’s been so long, right? We’re ready for a new chapter. (Preferably something much easier and less painful!)
And then we get buried in grout. Maybe that looks like more suffering, new waves of grief, or maybe it’s just feeling stuck like I’ve felt for six years. In the reinforcement stage, it’s tempting to want to give up and throw the whole ugly mosaic away. But we can’t hurry through this process of refinement, in art or in life. If we let God finish His work in us, we will be much stronger than before – both in faith and in resilience. There is nothing like continual suffering and waiting to truly build faith. And if we keep persevering in the Lord, James says, “we will be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Quit now and we’ll miss the most rewarding part: restoration. Sometimes we need to be fully buried in order to be truly restored.
RESTORED
Finally, the moment I’d been waiting for! I was very thankful the gloopy grout wasn’t the last step of my arts and crafts night. No, the best part came afterwards. Once the grout had set, I scrubbed and wiped and polished off each glass tile until they not only resurfaced through the mud, but eventually shined and glimmered. Little by little, colors appeared and I realized that the time and effort paid off. What once seemed like a useless pile of broken glass now made sense in its new arrangement and shape. It was only then that I could fully appreciate the lengthy steps that led to this restoration. A new design more beautiful and sturdy than what existed before. All in good time.
How much more stunning our restoration will be than these mosaics! We will be new masterpieces, intricately designed, fully anchored, and well-reinforced to weather future storms with new strength. The suffering that seemingly ruined our lives will be key components of our testimonies. We will actually be able to thank God for every step of the long process that brought us to this restored state.
True, the restoration we long for in this life will never be fully perfect, just as the mosaic I made isn’t perfect. As lovely as it is, there are still plenty of rough edges, glue stains, and cracks in the grouting. And there is necessary maintenance to keep my artwork polished and dust-free. Yet, it’s still worth marveling over and showing off to friends and family.
Much like our life stories. We will never fully experience perfect restoration on this side of heaven. The sanctification process is ongoing. Sin will always be a part of us, pain will always be a part of life. It’s a given that we’ll have more broken pieces for God to rearrange, anchor, and reinforce in the mosaics of our lives. But restoration is coming. God doesn’t leave us as we are. And while we still can’t see the entire scope of God’s work from our limited perspectives, I think we’ll be able to more fully appreciate what He has done and continues to do in our lives. At just the right time, He will make everything beautiful – whether it’s restored circumstances or restored hearts. But hopefully, both.
DISPLAYED
“Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story…” ~Psalm 107:2a
Once my family and I had finished wiping and polishing up our completed mosaics, we held them up to a kitchen light. It was amazing to see them shine! And we actually could see new colors emerge when the light poured through the glass. The projects were lovely sitting on a table, but when displayed in a window or positioned in the light, they took on new beauty.
In comparison, the restoration we receive from our faith in God is a precious gift worth displaying to the world. When God’s light shines through us, we can’t help but look different and radiate His wonderful qualities to the people around us. We can show others the good that comes from our broken seasons. We’ll testify to how God made us new creations. We’ll be like mosaics in a window, reflecting rays of comfort, hope, and encouragement to a shattered world.
Right now, you might not feel like you have a story worth telling. Perhaps you haven’t seen the redemption that you’ve been waiting for. (I’m right there with you!) But let’s not give up on the process or God’s promises. Our God is a God of redemption. The men and women of the Bible are proof of that. The stories of Joseph, Ruth, Hannah, Elizabeth, Peter, and more. People whose stories were told to keep people like us from giving up. The Bible is full of the redemptive work of the Lord. (Just read Psalm 107 in its entirety!) And Jesus Christ himself didn’t stay in the grave, but conquered death and rose again. The ultimate story of redemption, the one that matters most.
While I love a good redemption story, I also don’t think God wants us to wait for our lives to be perfect to share our stories with others. Our victories are more meaningful when we share about our struggles. We can tell our stories even if they don’t include a fairytale ending. We can share what God is doing right here and now as we continue to trust Him for redemption at the right time. Let’s make it a point to humbly display what God is doing in our lives and share His light with those around us. Because I think if we look closely enough, we’ll see evidence of His faithfulness, care, and love sprinkled all throughout His grand mosaic for our lives.
A WORK IN PROGRESS
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” ~Philippians 1:6
After my deep dive into the process of mosaic-making, it’s become more clear than ever that God was and is sovereign over all of the broken pieces of my story. And even though I feel like I’m in a holding pattern (probably stuck in that unflattering grouting phase!), my birthday mosaic is a tangible reminder that God is still working on my restoration. My hope for this next year is that I will continue growing in faith and wisdom, as God wipes away the mud and mire in me and in my circumstances. And while I can’t see now what life will emerge from His refining and polishing, I know it will be better, stronger, and more reflective of Christ than it was before. So, here’s to year 36. Here’s to being a work in progress. Here’s to shards of hope.
Today, join me in surrendering the fragments of our lives with renewed hope that God will do something great with them. Something more than we could do if we just tried to put them back as they were. Let’s take encouragement from these little mosaics and trust that God will make everything beautiful in its time. That He will hold us together while we wait for His masterpiece to be fully revealed. And that He will delight in us as we display our stories as redeemed children of God.
Father in Heaven, here are our broken pieces. Help us to see them as shards of hope. We look to You with confidence that You will turn our shattered stories into dazzling works of Your Glory. Give us patience as You rearrange our lives in a more fruitful way, anchor us to You through Your Son Jesus, reinforce our faith in the waiting, restore us to be mature and complete, and display our stories to draw others to You. Thank you for being the Master Artist with a perfect design for each one of us that is more amazing than we could imagine. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
**********
Special thanks to my dear family for humoring me with this glass mosaic project and for making my birthday so special! I love you all so much! And a shout out to The Pittsburgh Glass Center for coming up with such a fun, creative way to make art at home! Check out their site to order a “Glass-to-Go” kit for yourself! (And if you’re in Pittsburgh, I highly recommend their glass-making classes, too!)
I just now discovered your blog. I don’t see any recent posts so I hope and pray that all is well with you.
I very much liked this post. Even now after all the pandemic problems have largely subsided, it feels like my life is still in bit and pieces of worn out stuff. This post reminds me that no matter how things seem, God is most definitely i charge and will rearrange my bits and pieces into something better.
I have looked through a number of your recipes and I’m ready to try some. thank you for posting your efforts so many can benefit without the cost of a subscription. (I’m not anywhere near wealthy.)
Thank you so much for your kind words, Sandy! I’m hanging in there! It’s been a tough couple years since my last post so I’m not as active with the blog as I used to be, but I’ll keep it up as long as it’s a good resource for others! And maybe once I’m feeling inspired again, I’ll do another post. But for now, I’m glad to know it’s helpful for you! And thanks for reminding me that God is still working and arranging our broken pieces into something beautiful. I needed to remember that again today! ❤️